Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
