I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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