I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
