This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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