No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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