Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There are leaves in my underwear?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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