Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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