Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
