You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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