i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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