I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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