remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were trust falling into bushes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
