Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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