If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
