I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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