keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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