hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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