he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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