I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
