Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
