dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
