I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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