i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
