Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i think my cat just said my name.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
