I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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