I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
