I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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