i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
