I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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