I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have post one night stand depression
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