i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
