i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
