I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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