im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
