I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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