just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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