She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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