I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
