Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
