I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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