he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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