When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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