He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
