Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
