Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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