I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
