hotel room ftw
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize