Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
