I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
