Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
