just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
