Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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