Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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