i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My cat gives me a boner
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
