Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
