highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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