You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
