If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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