Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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