i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
