overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
