if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
