im six kinds of drunk right now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
