I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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