I wish life had little blips of pornography
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize