I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
