I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
