well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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