Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
