Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
