i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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