check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
