So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
