i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
