You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize