Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
