if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
