there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
