just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
