she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
